There is an absolute sense of wonder about sitting for an exam at a stage of your life when you’re not expected to. It encompasses euphoria of sorts, a sense of power, something that cannot be explained that easily, not by me at least. Being a thirty something, sitting in a classroom full of twenty somethings— in your own twisted way you’re breaking rules; you’re doing something not many people your age would want to relate to. There is a strange satisfaction in knowing that you didn’t give in to society’s expectation of what you ‘must’ be doing at certain age; if only in a very negligible capacity. You know that most people around you are busy with children, the pressure of jobs or any other thing, anything but this. It fills you with an incredible feeling of emancipation.
The pressure of sitting for an exam; something that is so predominantly associated with youth…. I don’t know how to put this, but yes, sitting for an exam after a lapse of about six years or so, gave me all this and more. I discovered a few things as well. I found out that children of today are quite the same as I was when I was twenty. Yes, they have technology, much more than we could even imagine at that time, but deep down inside they still have the same aspirations, fears and insecurities. But there was more, I realised that pretention is acquired. We’re not half as pretentious at twenty as we are at thirty. At least that is what I have felt.
And as clichéd as it may seem, I actually felt alive for once, after a very long time. In these six months I kind of re-lived that fascinating age I will never go back to in reality. I sat, ate, attended lectures, took tests, shared days and nights with these ‘children’ and I have never felt so good in my entire adult life as I did these last six months.
I wanted to add more to this, polish it a little bit you see. End it in a better way. But then I changed my mind. I guess there are a few things that are better left in their original form. Straight from the heart. I think this is one of those things.
Wajiha Hyder 