I loved today. I finished my work early and now am about to hit the bed! Life can be so much more bearable if you just plan it well. But planning is the only thing I do well, unfortunately. Anyway, Ammi and Masooma left for the city of lights yesterday, for a period of three weeks or so. Now it’s not that life suddenly seems too lost without their presence in the city, or that I cannot breathe without them or any other thing of a drastic nature. I don’t quite understand what it is really. Maybe it’s just the simple fact that they’re not here, and it is making me feel ridiculously alone and a little “baichaari”. As much as I hate to admit it, I think I am missing them. Damn! I must get my act together or these three weeks will become too difficult.
Actually I had always been an independent child all through my single life. I used to get up myself, had to prepare my own breakfast even if the world was falling apart around me, and believe it or not, I could even fix the little tape recorder that we used to have back in the day, all by myself! Yes, I was pretty much in love with the idea of working alone and doing everything by myself. Never thought I would be needing anyone but myself. But when I got married things surprisingly, changed. I saw the otherwise dormant side of my personality, emerge! I actually began to NEED my mother in a way I had never needed her before. She in many ways became my rock.
The woman that I thought was there only to feed me and to cater to my needs became the only woman I had to talk to first thing in the morning. It was then that I understood what mothers really mean to us and what they are here to do. To lift us up when we fall down, to just be there when we need them even if we need them for a bloody recipe. And yes baby, we do need them, more than we realize, more so after we get married.
I belonged to an unusual breed of children altogether. I was the rare spoiled brat that they are scared of being blessed with. Children like me are usually a mother’s nightmare. But she loved me, all through my childhood, all through the crazy tantrums that I used to throw when I was a teenager. She patiently put up with me. And she still loves me, even if that means babysitting my own spoiled brats whilst I’m out part-aaying, which is quite often and needs to be drastically cut down now. It’s just that I simply cannot do without her constant support and love. *Sigh* I am indeed indebted to her for life!
Anyway, I think it’s getting too emotional now (and I am getting sleepy as well) so I’ll just quickly wrap it up. It’s just that the thought of them being only twenty minutes away from me gives me comfort, which sadly is not there right now. Yes, I am a child from within and I refuse to grow up, unfortunately.
And this is what I do, always! I start writing about something and then end up writing something completely different! I should probably be retiring to bed now. Summer vacations are still a couple of weeks away.